The Graham family poses in front of their home. From left: Takoda, Shawn, Javen, Amy, baby Ava, and Elijah. (Photo by Lisa Aciukewicz)

Foster care in the United States is an epidemic. There are more than 12 million foster care alumni in the United States. Currently, and by no fault of their own, there are 463,000 children in the United States, including 10,000 in Massachusetts, whose ties to their biological parents have been legally and permanently severed. The majority of these children were rescued from child abuse and neglect. Their only hope for a stable home life is the slim chance that they will be chosen by a foster family. Foster care is an opportunity for these children to heal from immense trauma. Thankfully for two students at Hildreth Elementary School, Javen and Elijah Graham, there was a couple who generously opened their homes and their hearts to them.

The Press recently spoke with Shawn and Amy Graham of Devens, who are now the proud parents of four, ranging from 5 years to 9 months old, all of whom started out as foster children. Amy explained, “First came Javen, who is now 5 and has been with us since he was about 5 weeks old. Elijah, who is Javen’s biological brother, is also 5. He has been with us since he was 6 months old. Takoda is 2 and has been with us since he was discharged from the hospital after a month stay following birth—as was his baby sister who is now 9 months old.”

The couple briefly discussed having biological children but chose adoption instead. “It is a reward knowing we are able to provide a safe home to children during a difficult time in their lives—and also able to give parents time to do what they needed to do without worrying about who would care for their children. The parents themselves often have troubled pasts,” Amy said.

The Grahams both had their reasons for wanting to become foster parents. Shawn said, “I am a firm believer that each individual is shaped by both their situations throughout life and the environment they live in. Based on these beliefs, caring for children who are less fortunate and from unhealthy environments was a means to act on my beliefs. Based on the large volume of children in need of healthy environments, caring for and adopting them seemed to be the best option.”

Amy saw the importance during her work as a preschool teacher at the YMCA. In fact, the first child the Grahams welcomed to their home was a student of Amy’s. “When I was teaching, I had a little girl in my class who was in foster care,” she said. “She was special needs and the sweetest kid you would ever meet. All the staff at the center adored her. I heard through her foster mother that her goal had changed to adoption and they would be looking to place her in an adoptive home. She did have family, but they were not able to care for her because of her special needs. I talked to my husband—then called the worker and expressed our interest. We started classes right away. Because we had a relationship, she spent weekends and vacation weeks with us while we completed all the necessary training so she could live with us full time. Just before she was to move in, her grandmother decided to care for her and she moved away. We never heard from or saw her again. It was devastating and we closed our home. About a year later we had a foster child in our center whose treatment by her foster family was less than ideal. As the case went on, I became very upset. I knew we had training. We had a room all set up. My husband and I decided it was time for us to take in foster children.”

The Grahams wouldn’t have it any other way. Shawn emphasizes that adamantly: “Our children, and Javen in particular, know that we specifically ‘chose’ them to be our kids. We explained that normally children are born into families and parents are blessed and thankful. Javen has been told that ‘he was so special to us’ no other child could do. I value the relationships I share with my children, the pride they bring, and living and learning vicariously through their eyes. I enjoy knowing that the unhealthy situations that my children were born into are foreign to them and have been replaced with healthy and stable environments for them to learn and grow.”

Out of the four children in the Graham family three are now permanent members and they are working hard to finalize the adoption process for their 9-month-old baby. Their three oldest children’s birth parents all had their parental rights terminated by the courts. “We have no contact as of this time with the birth families. I have pictures and letters for the older boys. The younger two have an aunt who has one of their other siblings. She has expressed interest in maintaining contact,” says Amy.

When asked what the Grahams want people to know most about foster parenting, Amy replied, “Many people we have talked to assume all foster kids have behavior problems and are disruptive to homes. Most of the kids we have had have been wonderful kids who just needed a home and a little love. Being removed from your home can be frightening. Imagine being told your entire life not to talk to strangers—learning about ‘stranger danger’—and then being taken away from your parents and left with a stranger.

“Children are removed from homes for a variety of reasons. Some may need medical care. Some have been neglected. Some may have been exposed to inappropriate situations—and some may have led relatively ‘normal’ lives. They need a safe place to stay and someone to take care of them. Also, so many people don’t think they have enough time for the training or that the costs are prohibitive. The training process takes only a few months. We had to have a home study done which involved interviews, personal and professional references, background checks, and a physical safety inspection of our home. We also had to attend MAPP trainings (Massachusetts Approach to Partnerships in Parenting). Classes were one day a week for about four weeks. They were extremely informative and helpful.”

As for the costs involved in parenting a foster child, the state provides stipends, quarterly clothing allowances, and full coverage medical insurance with no co-pays. “It’s not a lot,” says, Amy, “but it’s not about the money. It’s about doing what’s right for these kids.”

May is National Foster Care Month. Questions about becoming a foster parent can be answered at the Massachusetts Department of Health and Human Services at 1-800-KIDS-508 or at The Commonwealth of Massachusetts Department of Children and Families, Attention: Foster Care Support Services, 24 Farnsworth Street, Boston, MA 02210. Contact numbers for that department are 617-748-2000 (local) and 800-548-4802 (toll-free).